From Mom

Dear G,

Oh bay-be. This too shall pass. It's going to get better sweet boy. You'll see. Mommy will never let you down. This I promise you.

I don't even know how to start this one, kiddo. Life has been overwhelming. We have gotten to play and do a few measly crafts after work lately, before bedtime, but I work so gosh darn much. And this past weekend, I just went the longest I ever have without seeing you....EVER. Three days. Mind you, you spent the weekend with your Daddy, like always, every other weekend, but you spent a night with Grandma and Grandpa the day before, which was not typical. But you had FUN!

Mommy needed a minute to unwind. Someday, when you are my age, you'll understand. But I will tell you that I missed you like crazy! I sent messages to G & G to see how you were doing and to make sure everything was good. I would have called...but didn't want to disrupt your fun. And let me tell you, when I got back early and came and picked you up and you SPRINTED to me with open arms screaming my name, I wondered how I ever left at all!!!

(truth is....I love you with all my heart kiddo, but Mommy is trying to figure things out) Where do we go from here? I thought I was on the road....but now I'm  not so sure.  I just don't know. But you know what?? I'm going to figure it out. You and me. We are a team and no matter what I figure out....YOU are first.

I love you.

love,
Mom

From Mom, on your birthday

Dear G,

This past weekend, we celebrated your fourth birthday. FOUR. I asked you this morning if you felt older, and you looked at me, gave me a big smile, and said "Momma, I'm going to be big as you soon."

"You ARE growing up quick. You're getting so BIG! But you'll always be my baby, right?"

I quick emphatic nod let me know I still have some time. Thanks.

It has been much fun watching you grow more and more into your personality this year. You are brazen, precocious, speak your mind, and usually, a true joy to be around. Hey, we have moments. You are typically very happy, and when I say you can't do something or tell you no, you always have some sort of negotiation in your head. Occasionally....you win. You always go for the gusto. Kid, you amaze me sometimes. You're pretty dog gone smart.

You are creative, like me, and that might be my favorite thing about you. We color, we sing, we dance...those moments are precious to me. I want you to know that dancing will almost always make you feel better. It's not just for girls. So feel free to spin around for happiness when you are feeling down. I will be happy to hold your hands and spin with you. Never forget how to let go and have a good spin.

While you're becoming more and more independent, I want you to know that one of my favorite things is holding your hand.

I also want you to know that 3 was a little tough on Mommy. Sometimes I am right, you know. You will not die if mulch gets in your shoe at the park. If the tag on your blanket is not on the right side of your body at bedtime, it's okay. It will still keep you warm. And hey, if you ask without crying hysterically, I'll probably help you align it just the way you want. Little things can throw you off balance (been a lot of changes, I know) so I am hoping 4 is easier on your nerves. Most things are not such a big deal. It's a really good lesson. My wish is to show you that.

You're doing excellent with picking up lately. I'm happy. When I ask you to do a chore or put something away, you always respond with "sure," and go off and do it right away. I love that. And will take it for however long it lasts. Even if it's just until tomorrow. Sometimes I am truly amazed you've only just turned 4 years old. You have wisdom beyond your years. Every single day I am blown away by you. By your brains, your affection, your confidence, your strong will, your happiness, your free spirit and your ability to love. Your tantrums do not blow me away, however. But they happen. You are amazing and I am so lucky to be the one you call mom.

Always remember how powerful love is.

I love you,

Mom

From Mom

Dear G,

I've been thinking a lot lately. A lot about you. How you are handling all these changes in your innocent life. It can't be easy and you are far too young to express your feelings appropriately. Please know that your Dad and I love you with all of our hearts and we will always do what is best for you. These changes are going to take time. There is going to be many adjustments. We will get there. We are ALL going to be okay. We ALL are going to be happy.

I've been contemplating this blog the last many months. How I write things...what I should write...what I shouldn't write...how much to share....

Truth is, this blog is my legacy to YOU. If I should suddenly die (God forbid), I want you to know exactly what I was thinking and feeling watching you grow up. I want you to know all the things we did together. What we made together. The places we went. I'm not a scrapbooker, believe it or not, I don't have the patience for it. So this is my outlet for expression. Someday you'll read it by years, as I've printed them into books to be treasured always. (I promise I won't embarrass you. At least the very minimal--I'm trying, cut a mom a break)

I have this dream in my heart that one day you will say. . . thank you for the time you took to document our story.

I love you, Gavin.
We are going to be just fine.You'll see :)
Please come to me always. I will be here always.

Love,
Mom

From Mom

Dear G,

This morning, you were watching cartoons before we headed off to daycare and work. I ran upstairs to change and when I came down, you looked up at me, smiled, and said "Mommy, I like your dress! You look really pretty."

Kiddo, you MADE my Monday morning!

Who knew you even knew how to give such a compliment. You're going to make a girl exceptionally happy someday :) I know you make me so happy and proud every single day.

Love,
Mom

From Mom

Dear G,

Trivial as this may seem, in my eyes, it was pretty monumental. Tonight you went potty, as you often do. However, this particular time, you didn't seek my accompaniment. Afterwards, you proudly let me know that you "went number 2" AND flushed the toilet. Only because I had just thrown laundry in, did I bother to march you back in to "check your behind." I figured I could run and toss anything that might be dirty in the load. Now, I would stop at being impressed that you successfully wiped yourself....but you changed the toilet paper roll!! I noticed that it was a brand new roll so I asked you about it. You said, "Mommy, the other roll was empty so I got in the cupboard and put a new one on. That way, when you go potty, you have toilet paper too."

Oh Gavin, thanks for looking out for your old lady.  I'm so wonderfully proud of you!

Love,

Mom

From Mom

Dear G,

You are the most amazing, handsome, brilliant little boy. But you already know that because I tell you every single day how wonderful you are and how happy you make me. You made me a mother when I honestly had no idea what I was doing. I still don't. However, your infectious smiles are proof that sometimes I kinda know what I am doing. Your new obsession with hugs and saying "I love you, Mommy" is welcome to stay forever. I'll never tire of them or hearing those words.

Some days are tougher than others. While we miss Daddy terribly while he is away, YOU are my trooper. YOU make it easier, even when I'm not the Mommy you deserve because I'm tired and overwhelmed. Those are the days I feel being your Mommy is the hardest because I never want to let you down. But those days where I am cranky, short-tempered and way to amendable to the idea of TV, sneak in sometimes. I hope those aren't the days that you remember. I hope you remember the afternoons/evenings where we play legos, play-doh, read stories and cuddle. I hope you remember the trips to the pet store, afternoons at the park and when we dance like lunatics around the living room to Fresh Beat Band. And you remember that we cook all kinds of fun food and paint and glue and create things. I truly hope that these are the days that stay in your memory.

You and your Dad are the best, most wonderful, most exhausting, most breathtaking things that have ever happened to me and I love you. Always.

Love,

Mom

**At daycare this week, parents were encouraged to write a "Legacy of Love" letter to their child/ren that would be displayed in the halls in honor of Valentine's Day. This was mine**

From Mom

Dear G,

If you must unravel the entire roll of toilet paper into the toilet, PLEASE make sure that there is another roll in the cabinet beforehand. That was a brand spanking new Charmin.

You are soooo lucky I have a box of Puffs.

Love,
Mom

From Mom, on your birthday

Dear G,

I can't believe you are THREE years old today! But at the same time, I can't believe you are only three. 

I feel like you've been in my life forever.

How did this happen? 

You're growing up so much every single day!

But I think I like it. Three is looking really good on you! In the last few months, you've changed dramatically.

You look older. You talk older. You and I, we can have a complete conversation. You have found an art in negotiating, and while I still win most of the time, I love that determination in you to seek out a compromise.

This will be a great characteristic as you grow up. 

This past year has been a little tough with Daddy on the road. But you know what, we make a good team, you and me.

We have found routines.We've found compromise. We've found tantrums and time-outs.

Yep, We've found lots of things out about each other.

I love that you love to draw, ride your bike, dress-up in costumes, play cars, build legos, and bake cookies, and dance and sing! I love listening to you sing! I love how inquisitive you are.

You are amazingly smart! You can count to thirty (you miss a number here and there, but you do it) You love to take things apart. You can take apart your tractor and put it back together easily. You love puzzles! In fact you are up to doing 48 piece puzzles all by yourself! You can point out letters of the alphabet on request. You pick out your own clothes and dress yourself most of the time. You know left and right, (most of the time), and directions on how to get places visited frequently, such as school, store and grandma and grandpas. "Turn here, Mom, slow down...the road is coming up....etc" You even know your address! Also, you remember EVERYTHING! This is good and bad :)

At mealtime, you *always* ask to help me – no matter who is here or what you are doing.  You like to stir and pour and measure. Of course, you like to taste test too – which I usually let you do.

When I ask you if you want milk , apple juice, or water. You always chose apple juice. You drink two gallons of apple juice a week. Seriously.

Gavin, you are THREE!

Did you know that three years ago at this moment, I was getting wired up with IVs, wondering what you would look like when you arrived. And then you did, and my world changed forever.

You have grown from the tiny little infant to the sweet, caring, hilarious little boy that you are today, your daddy and I couldn’t be more proud of you. I say always that I want to freeze time, to keep you never-changing as the cool little dude that you are right now … but then I wouldn’t get to see the next stage of your life … which always turns out to be more fun than the last. 

You are the coolest little boy, Gavin. You are so happy, and so sweet. You love meeting new people … no one is ever a stranger to you...after about 20 minutes.  You run, you play, you scream, you smile. You flip and jump and do somersaults. You are full of happiness and life and love. You are a cuddler, a laugher, a ham and a sweetheart.

You love climbing and building. You love Dora the Explorer, (you want to be Swiper for Halloween), Bubble Guppies and Chuggington. You love markers and wearing both my and your daddy’s shoes. You love eating peanut butter on bread and smarties and popcorn. You love brushing your teeth and swimming and balloons. You love your family, and love chasing the dogs. You are also a fan of Jazz, the snotty, sneezing cat.

My wish for you this birthday is that you continue to grow into the sweet boy that I know you’ll become. That you keep this cheer and love in your heart forever. That you remember that family is the most important thing in life, and not to take them for granted … that we will be there for you forever, holding your hand and guiding you through life when you need it.

We love you, Gavin!

Happy Birthday!

Today, you are THREE!

Love always!

Mom and Dad

From Mom

Dear G,

Today was a long day. Which is very surprising since we both were able to get quite a bit of sleep last night. I slept nearly 9 hours!! And you, little man, slept nearly 12! Why we felt rushed around this morning is beyond me. Although it does explain why you didn't take a nap at school today....making the evening somewhat trying. I'm struggling with a cold or something. Someday you'll know that thick feeling in your throat that means only one thing. You're getting sick. I'm fighting it hard, because this weekend is going to be tons of fun. It's your birthday party, you know.

Tonight after playing cars, trains, and puzzles, you finally ate your dinner. I reckon it was mainly because I promised you a smartie if you finished all of your plate. You'll do just about anything for sugar.

Due to attitudes and illness, we opted to skip bath time and go right for jammies. Dora was already on TV, meaning it was 8:00 and the sun had gone down. So we snuggled up on the couch and you, sweet boy, must have known how I was feeling and started playing with my hair. You then said, looking at the tangly mess you styled, "Mommy, you look bee-you-ti-ful." This was the first time you've ever said that to me. I'll never forget it. Ever. I suddenly felt much better and we stayed up to watch Diego as well.

Thanks, little man, for making my week.

Love,
Mom

From Mom

Dear G,

Last night when I pulled all your bedding, including your blankie and bear out of the dryer, I noticed bear had fallen victim to the heat. But because it was late and bedtime was imminent, I kept quiet and tucked you both in for the night.

This morning, after apparently you and bear had some rumbling through the night, Bear's injury was extremely prominent. His poor paw was exploding with stuffing.

Mind you, I can barely sew a button on my pants. Even when I can do that successfully, it's short term. I never took Home Economics, and it shows. But I knew this morning what I had to do.

I found the one needle and bit of thread we have in the house (courtesy of grandma) and I went to work with the bulging hole that had seared edges, jagged strips of fur, and fluff flailing. 

It may not be pretty, but Bear is whole again.

You are over 2 and a half years old which means I have been your mother for over 2 and a half years.

I have never felt more like a mommy than I did this morning.

I love you!

Love,
Mom

From Mom

Dear G,

This past week storms have been raging through our area. And not during the day, but at night when we are sleeping. The thunder has been deafening and the lightning seriously is brighter than if every single light in the house was on. I go down to your room to check on you because it certainly woke me up. And there you are, sleeping peacefully. Not a flinch. You don't even roll over.

I'm so so lucky!

Love,
Mom

From Mom

Dear G,

You are merely two and a half and you've got it all *almost* figured out. This morning you woke up and rather than let me know that you "woke up" as you usually do, you helped yourself to a breakfast of ice cream and a banana. I know this because you told me. And sure enough, when I checked the trash, there was an ice cream wrapper and a banana peel right on top. I say you have it figured out because I can't think of a better way to welcome a new week so very early on Monday morning than with a delicious treat. I say *almost* because you haven't learned to hide the evidence. I hope you saved room for a waffle.

Love,
Mom

From Mom

Dear G,

Tonight after screaming in the tub followed by a pajama war resulting from me not letting you wear your foul-smelling cow jammies, you reluctantly settled on wearing your batman cape with your Thomas pants. Afterward, you curled up next to me on the couch to watch Cars. It's easy to remember the trials and tears of a very trying day. Tonight, however, I quickly forgot that moments ago I was counting the minutes until bedtime and was instead wishing I could stay in this moment for much longer than you'll ever know.

Love,
Mom